Ch.. Ch.. Ch.. Changes

I wrote my friend Shira earlier today to say that there have been so many changes occurring in my life recently that I’m starting to feel a little queasy from the ups and the downs. I find that I’ve been waking in the morning feeling … confused. I’m not entirely sure where I am or what I’m doing … perhaps because this phase of life is winding down – getting ready to leave Dillon, getting ready to finish up my job – allowing the endings to occur naturally and with gratitude for the breathing space that it allowed me over this winter.

I’m also getting ready for the new …

… a new home – I’m not yet entirely clear which apartment I’ll be moving into – each time I talk with someone, I’m offered a new possibility – today my hairdresser told me that she is moving out of her apartment this weekend and would love for me to be the next person to live there. I hope to have a final commitment in the next few days. Each apartment is perfect in its own way – and all of them are in uptown Butte, so I’ll be able to walk everywhere!

… a new rhythm to my daily life – once I’m finished with this job, I’ll be freelancing for the summer, working on a variety of projects for different people and organizations. I won’t be punching a clock in the morning, or at the end of the work day – and I’ll be able to set the flow of my days to work well for me. I was so excited the other morning to realize that I could choose to set aside Friday mornings to clean the entire apartment and be ready for Shabbos every Friday night – if I should want to.

… a new committment to myself and going back to school for my Master’s degree – wow! I never thought I’d make that choice to return to school, and now, it feels entirely natural – the next most perfect thing that I could do for myself. I ran into Diana today at the Venus cafe and she is a graduate of that program – she is so excited that I’ll be doing it, and she’s already decided what my thesis project is going to be, so I don’t even need to think about that … well, maybe I do.

… a new haircut – yup – I cut it again today – my summer cut – shorter and sassy – I like it alot!

I’ve been looking around the cabin in the past days, finding myself wanting to pack … now – wanting to load up the car … now – wanting to be done here … now. I find that when I make a decision – I like to have the outcome immediately apparent. I know that the wise choice is the one I made – to work til the end of the month, save up some more money for the summer, and have the chance to train my replacements. But.. spring is in the air – the sap is rising, the ice is melting, the cows are calving, the birds are soaring, the waters are moving swiftly toward the ocean – there is motion and action everywhere and I want to be a part of that … now!

This new blog is part of the new pattern. The winter was an often gentle, sometimes challenging, shift in the move from Massachusetts to Montana. Now… the break is clean. I’m finished with the move .. finished with the time it took to figure out where “my” place is. I’m here. Into the West is no longer the motion toward, now is a deepening understanding and exploration of this place, and my place in it.