Receiving

This morning I woke to a steady, soft snowfall – covering rooftops, cars, streets and sidewalks – there was a coating of snow on the trees outside my window, the lilac bushes, and the grasses. Although there were many commitments waiting for me in the unfolding day – I followed the snow and moved softly and steadily through my morning.

The events of the past days, weeks, and months; the friendships and relationships that have moved in and out of my life; and the opportunities that have come knocking quietly at my door have revealed aspects of myself that surprise and delight me daily.

A few days ago, at the MAR potluck, a woman I was speaking with said suddenly – “Oh! I remember you, you’re the poet!”. Yesterday a local writer invited me to read her work and asked me to advise her, she was effusive in her praise of my writing both at the Vision & Voices show, and the newsletter. I receive beautiful emails regarding this and my past blog.

In the past week, a number of people have shared with me that our conversations are heartening, inspiring – that they are deeply appreciative of my presence in their life.

It’s possible that people have been saying things like this to me all along. It’s possible that I haven’t ‘heard’ them appreciate me, because I simply didn’t believe it. What I offer, the things I choose to do – I do them because they please me – and now, I see that they have true value to others as well. That I have true value to others.

A few weeks ago I shared with Connee some praise I had been offered from a friend, and I explained to her that I was unable to really receive it, to feel it as sincere. A few days ago I shared with her once again something truly loving that this friend had told me. I told Connee “this time, I believe them”.

When I sit down to write these little pieces for my blog, I never know where it will take me. I start with the soft snow and I end with the unfolding realization that the people in my life truly do care for me and appreciate me. I know that when I thank someone, from the heart, for something – it feels a little icky when I realize that they don’t get it. I’m seeing that when I blow off praise and thanks by saying “well, of course”, as if it was nothing – it’s icky for us both.

I’m thinking now of seeing this praise and appreciation as something that can fall as softly as the snow, that it can slowly melt into me the way that the snow has melted into the earth here – nourishing and preparing the way for something beautiful to bloom.