EverChanging

Looking out over the mountains south of Butte on overcast days I can get lost in watching an everchanging cloudscape of colors, textures, patterns that are sometimes reflected on the mountains themselves.  It is an ongoing experience of beauty that I appreciate deeply.

I’ve been troubled the past days, dealing with my own responses to the most recent death in our community – as well as the variety of responses of my friends.  I find myself on the border of tears throughout the day – and I find myself reliving the days after Stephen’s death.  Too many endings …

One of the powerful Butte experiences is that of community.  People are connected to one another through strong webs of friendship and companionship, each person a node that connects into many others.  When a node is suddenly removed – the whole web is thrown into disarray.

I have the perspective of years of experience, contemplation, meditation, writing, and long conversations with good friends.  The memories tug at me, but don’t have the power they did when I was younger – I see them through a variety of filters that allow me a sense of balance within the loss … the losses … they tumble over one another like a rockslide some days.

The sun is slipping below the western horizon behind the heavy clouds and in the south east a subtle light show moves through the small breaks between cloud formations.  The air holds that chalky whiteness before snowfall.  The dark is moving down from the East Ridge and soon will blanket this little city.  There are tasks and commitments tugging lightly at the borders of my attention – but there is enough time to spare to enjoy this small moment of change.