Chicken/Egg

Raising My Standards

Last week I was chatting with a friend and mentioned that I’d like to start raising my standard of living.  I wasn’t really sure how that might happen – given that I’m already working two jobs, and a full time grad student, etc etc.  But – I tossed that wish out into the universe to see what it might bring back to me.

I remember as a child reading the stories of Noah tossing the raven out the window of the ark to find dry land – but the waters had not yet receded.  One day he tossed out the dove  and she returned with the branch of an olive tree in her beak.  In retrospect – it seems unlikely – but it was a great story of trying again and again until the time is right.

So I got a call on Wednesday from a job that I had applied for back in May and they had hired someone else.  Was I still interested.  I was … I am.  So we met today and it looks good.  If all continues to go well, I’ll replace my work at the bookstore with this one – I’ll work a few more hours a week – at more than twice what I’m paid now.  That will surely raise my standard of living.  A cell phone?  A trip back east to see my daughter graduate?  An occasional weekend away?  It could happen.  I didn’t have to go out looking for it – it came knocking on my door – when the time was right.

I wondered … what might happen if I decide that I want to raise all my standards?  What would it look like if I raised my standard of loving?  My standard of playing?  My standard of enjoying?

What would it look like to you?

Rachel Carson and Butte

As a relative newcomer to Butte, I still have much to learn about the environmental situation in Butte – and about the people who are involved, both protagonists and antagonists for the environment, the health of the creatures that live upon this landscape, the health of land and the waters.

We’ve been discussing Rachel Carson in class, and I wanted to find Rachel Carson’s own words about her work and the beliefs upon which it was based and I found a rich resource at RachelCarson.org. Quotes from the site are in italic and my comments follow:

Miss Carson’s position, as a biologist, was simply that she was a natural scientist in search of truth and that the indiscriminate use of poisonous chemical sprays called for public awareness of what was going on. She emphasized that she was not opposed to the use of poisonous chemical sprays–only their “indiscriminate use,” and, at a time when their potential was not truly known. Quoting Jean Rostand, the French writer and biologist, she said: “The obligation to endure gives us the right to know.”

On April 3, 1963, the Columbia Broadcasting System’s television series “C.B.S. Reports” presented the program “The Silent Spring of Rachel Carson.” In it, Miss Carson said: “It is the public that is being asked to assume the risks that the insect controllers calculate. The public must decide whether it wishes to continue on the present road, and it can do so only when in full possession of the facts.

One theme is that of the public’s right to know … she took it a few steps further and considered it our responsibility to know. It’s clear that the citizens of Butte, the Clark Fork Watershed, and other impacted land and water systems have done amazing work in offering the public the necessary information and over the years there has been much citizen involvement in forming policy and procedure on clean up of the past and in shaping the decisions of the future.

“We still talk in terms of conquest. We still haven’t become mature enough to think of ourselves as only a tiny part of a vast and incredible universe. Man’s attitude toward nature is today critically important simply because we have now acquired a fateful power to alter and destroy nature.

“But man is a part of nature, and his war against nature is inevitably a war against himself. The rains have become an instrument to bring down from the atmosphere the deadly products of atomic explosions. Water, which is probably our most important natural resource, is now used and re-used with incredible recklessness.

“Now, I truly believe, that we in this generation, must come to terms with nature, and I think we’re challenged as mankind has never been challenged before to prove our maturity and our mastery, not of nature, but of ourselves.”

Another theme is a change in understanding our relationship with nature and natural resources – of seeing ourselves as a part of the system rather than apart from the system. I see that not only those living and working in Butte and surrounding areas as individuals who take this to heart – but I also see that those who come in from ‘the outside’ are also influenced toward understanding this more deeply. I see this in the writing of Mary McCarthy – born and dying before Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring was ever considered, and I see this in the writing of our professors here, I see this in the creation and impact of the Clark Fork Watershed Education Program, and in the art and music that is being created by the people who live here or pass through. The most recent example is the recent documentary by Ed Dobb and Pam Robertson.

“As a writer, my interest is divided between the presentation of facts and the interpretation of their significance, with emphasis, I think toward the latter.”

Finally, I see these words of Rachel Carson directed toward those of us who are here, looking to influence our current world and the possible future. She, in explaining her own process, is also asking us to consider our own process.

As I consider what Rachel Carson might say about the environmental situation in Butte and impacted by the superfund sites, I think that she would feel similar to how many of us feel – pride in the accomplishment, satisfaction with the influence that has already occurred, frustration with the time it takes, anger with those who are unable to see the larger picture, and an overall sense of hope.

Whirlpools and Wild Horses

Life is swirling right now – many projects moving in many directions – and … to switch metaphors for a moment away from the logical next image of the whirlpool dragging me under … I’m trying to harness each of them and to find a way to get it all moving in the same .. or at least a similar direction.

Yesterday I found out that the president of our arts foundation board is intending to resign – at least the presidency – and so yet another responsibility falls onto my plate.  President Emma?  I want to say “I’m too young for this” and then I remember … I’m well on my way toward 51.  Not so young after all.

And so … what else occupies my time these days?

A part time job at the bookstore.  Ah … a sigh of relief when I walk in the door – nothing to do but smile, help people find their little islands of pleasure called ‘books’ and take their cash before they walk out the door.  It’s a haven for me – even though I do work hard, and earn very little in terms of cash … I do receive many other benefits.

A part time job as the co-director of PTC Productions – a small non profit company run by our department – I was just handed two large jobs to study and ready for bids – I need to meet with clients and then find designers and writers who can take this work on, and then manage it all.

Five classes in Ethics, Communicating Environment and Health Risk, Technical Editing and Information Design, Multimedia Design (we’re making documentaries this semester), and my graduate seminar class to help me prepare muy final thesis project proposal.

My thesis project.  Let’s not talk about that today – it makes me itchy and anxious.

The arts foundation including preparing and writing a $500,000 grant, seeking for matching grants, and our major yearly fundraiser in February.

I’m still making my way, little by little, through Sabbath and appreciating the reminders of making … creating … respecting … enjoying the Sabbaths I create throughout the day and the week.  Taking the time to reconnect back into myself, into the things and people I love, into the simple pleasures that nourish me.

Barack Obama’s Inaugural Speech

My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors.

I thank President Bush for his service to our nation as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.

Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents. So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.

That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost, jobs shed, businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly, our schools fail too many, and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.

These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable, but no less profound, is a sapping of confidence across our land; a nagging fear that America’s decline is inevitable, that the next generation must lower its sights.

Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real, they are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this America: They will be met.

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord. On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn-out dogmas that for far too long have strangled our politics. We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.

In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted, for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things — some celebrated, but more often men and women obscure in their labor — who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.

For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life. For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West, endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth. For us, they fought and died in places Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn.

Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.

This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions — that time has surely passed.

Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America. For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of our economy calls for action: bold and swift. And we will act not only to create new jobs but to lay a new foundation for growth.

We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place and wield technology’s wonders to raise health care’s quality and lower its costs. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age.

All this we can do. All this we will do.

Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions, who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short, for they have forgotten what this country has already done, what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose and necessity to courage. What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them, that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long, no longer apply.

The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works, whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public’s knowledge will be held to account, to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day, because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.

Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched. But this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control. The nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our gross domestic product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on the ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart — not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.

As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our founding fathers faced with perils that we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience’s sake.

And so, to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and we are ready to lead once more.

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with the sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use. Our security emanates from the justness of our cause; the force of our example; the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

We are the keepers of this legacy, guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort, even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We’ll begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people and forge a hard- earned peace in Afghanistan.

With old friends and former foes, we’ll work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat and roll back the specter of a warming planet. We will not apologize for our way of life nor will we waver in its defense. And for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that, “Our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken. You cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you.”

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus, and nonbelievers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth. And because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict or blame their society’s ills on the West, know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history, but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to the suffering outside our borders, nor can we consume the world’s resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages. We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service: a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves.

And yet, at this moment, a moment that will define a generation, it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all. For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies.

It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break; the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter’s courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent’s willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

Our challenges may be new, the instruments with which we meet them may be new, but those values upon which our success depends, honesty and hard work, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism — these things are old.

These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility — a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character than giving our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship. This is the source of our confidence: the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny. This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed, why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall. And why a man whose father less than 60 years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.

So let us mark this day in remembrance of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America’s birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by nine campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:

“Let it be told to the future world that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive, that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet it.”

America, in the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words; with hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come; let it be said by our children’s children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God’s grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations. Thank you. God bless you. And God bless the United States of America.

Pearls

Some days are entirely perfect … from waking in the morning after a deep and restful sleep … through the entire day of conversations, play, good food, a little travel, finding the perfect gift for yourself, an amazing sunset, finishing projects, starting new projects, reading thought-provoking books, and enjoying the friendship of many dear ones.

Today was that perfect.  As a small part of a wonderful series of experiences – I found the most beautiful yarn I’ve ever seen – and the texture is sensual and unusual.  As I began to create a new piece, I said to myself … knit … perl … knit … perl … and it became … knit … pearl …

This day has been a luminescent pearl – I am so blessed in my life and I am grateful beyond words.

Busyness v. Stillness

I am off and running with my new semester.  Each course is fascinating and could take up a good deal of my time and interest … and then the next course comes along and I feel the same way.  Five courses .. well that begins to feel a little much and as I scroll down my task list for the semester I wonder how I’ll manage to do it all.  There’s quite a bit more ‘doing’ this semester than last – I’m delighted to be so engaged and … a little nervous about doing it well.

I don’t worry so much about the grades – I simply want to take in as much as I can and allow the information, the discussions, the readings – and even more – the thoughts that are prompted .. the wonderings that occur .. the way the resonances and the dissonances sort themselves out into a broader understanding of life and me.

In the midst of all this upcoming busyness – I picked up the book Sabbath by Wayne Muller and he reminds us -  through stories, quotes, and musings – about the need for silence and stillness within the busyness of life.

There is a hubris and vanity in being the busiest of all – in saying “oh, there is SO much on my plate I couldn’t possibly take on another …”  What gets lost, and I know from my own experience!, is the space and perspective to become quiet, to go within, to find the balance that is required to move through life well – with enjoyment and satisfaction.

And I know that the busyness can be just as addictive as the drink, the joint, the hit of something.  There are days when I try to sit and simply be … listen to music, meditate, contemplate … and I feel the pull of work – of projects – of doing something … anything!!! that takes me away from this still, centered pool of myself.

I’ve been blessed in this move into the west to rediscover a passion and delight in my life.  I’ve been blessed with the companionship of communities of people who also engage in life with their own passions and delights.  I find that this experience has become a kind of north pole for me … that when I feel like I’m off course, that all I need do it become still enough to access my inner compass and wait a moment longer to discover the path that will lead me back toward those things that are most precious to me.

Inner Life of a Cell

This is stunning – Inner Life of a Cell – click on ‘watch the video’ after the first paragraph

A Promise

Cloudscapes race across the immense sky outside my window and I sit here appreciating the beauty of the light striking the bricks of the buildings nearby and the glow upon the mountains. I watch the effects of the winds … and listen to it whistle and moan over the wires and up the alleyways.  I am finding peace in appreciating this simple and extraordinary life that I have.

Today is the last day of my ‘break’ between semesters … though I was busier than during the semester with the commitments that I had taken on.  I am content with what I accomplished – and grateful that there is always so much more to bring into my life and my experience.

I often like to engage in some kind of symbolic act on the winter solstice and this year I planted a bulb … one of those christmassy things that I got as a gift from a coworker.  I planted it in the moist, rich earth and put it near the stove to keep it warm .. and then I waited.  Impatiently.  After a few days, I didn’t see anything happening – so … I am sorry to say – I dug it up to see if anything was going on.  There was!  Lots of tiny little rootlets had begun to emerge from the bulb and … fortunately … had not yet taken root into the soil.  I apologized, replanted it, and forced myself to leave it alone.

The process of growth can sometimes be so secretive – hidden from our own eyes – and sending out little rootlets of connections into other people, experiences, pieces of knowledge and information.  And one day – the new growth emerges into the light of day.

Each year the days following the solstice are challenging for me – the darkness feels so deep – and I can lose perspective.  Its one of the reasons why those symbolic acts are important.  A day or two ago, the plant began to emerge from the soil – a tiny sprout of green – and today its already many inches high.  An affirmation of life, of hope, of growth that continues even when I can’t see it.

The days are warmer, the light of day lasts longer, and even though it’s just the beginning of the formal winter – I could see hints of spring today – a promise of more growth to come.

Rules for a sane society?

I’ve been looking for some inspiration, and decided that after the mature reflections of Robertson Davies The Cunning Man (excellent book!) I needed something a bit more positive and picked up a copy of Veronika Decides to Die.  Another perspective of mature reflection – with much more hope and inspiration than Davies offers.  I’ve been thinking alot recently about the definitions of sane/insane behaviors … beliefs … etc. I thought you might enjoy this … I copied it from one of Paolo Coehlo’s site

“I decided to conduct a survey among my friends about what society considers to be normal behavior. What follows is a list I have made of some of the absurd situations we face in day-to-day life, just because society sees them as normal:

1] Anything that makes us forget our true identity and our dreams and makes us only work to produce and reproduce.

2] Making rules for a war (the Geneva Convention).

3] Spending years at university and then not being able to find a job.

4] Working from nine in the morning to five in the afternoon at something that does not give us the least pleasure, so that we can retire after 30 years.

5] Retiring only to discover that we have no more energy to enjoy life, and then dying of boredom after a few years.

6] Using Botox.

7] Trying to be financially successful instead of seeking happiness.

8] Ridiculing those who seek happiness instead of money by calling them “people with no ambition”.

9] Comparing objects like cars, houses and clothes, and defining life according to these comparisons instead of really trying to find out the true reason for being alive.

10] Not talking to strangers. Saying nasty things about our neighbors.

11] Thinking that parents are always right.

12] Getting married, having children and staying together even though the love has gone, claiming that it’s for the sake of the children (who do not seem to be listening to the constant arguments).

12ª] Criticizing everybody who tries to be different.

14] Waking up with a hysterical alarm-clock at the bedside.

15] Believing absolutely everything that is printed.

16] Wearing a piece of colored cloth wrapped around the neck for no apparent reason and known by the pompous name “necktie”.

17] Never asking direct questions, even though the other person understands what you want to know.

18] Keeping a smile on your face when you really want to cry. And feeling sorry for those who show their own feelings.

19] Thinking that art is worth a fortune, or else that it is worth absolutely nothing.

20] Always despising what was easily gained, because the “necessary sacrifice” – and therefore also the required qualities – are missing.

21] Following fashion, even though it all looks ridiculous and uncomfortable.

22] Being convinced that all the famous people have tons of money saved up.

23] Investing a lot in exterior beauty and paying little attention to interior beauty.

24] Using all possible means to show that even though you are a normal person, you are infinitely superior to other human beings.

25] In any kind of public transport, never looking straight into the eyes of the other passengers, as this may be taken for attempting to seduce them.

26] When you enter an elevator, looking straight at the door and pretending you are the only person inside, however crowded it may be.

27] Never laughing out loud in a restaurant, no matter how funny the story is.

28] In the Northern hemisphere, always wearing the clothes that match the season of the year: short sleeves in springtime (however cold it may be) and a woolen jacket in the fall (no matter how warm it is).

29] In the Southern hemisphere, decorating the Christmas tree with cotton wool, even though winter has nothing to do with the birth of Christ.

30] As you grow older, thinking you are the wisest man in the world, even though not always do you have enough life experience to know what is wrong.

31] Going to a charity event and thinking that in this way you have collaborated enough to put an end to all the social inequalities in the world.

32] Eating three times a day, even if you’re not hungry.

33] Believing that the others are always better at everything: they are better-looking, more resourceful, richer and more intelligent. Since it’s very risky to venture beyond your own limits, it’s better to do nothing.

34] Using the car as a way to feel powerful and in control of the world.

35] Using foul language in traffic.

36] Thinking that everything your child does wrong is the fault of the company he or she is keeping.

37] Marrying the first person who offers you a position in society. Love can wait.

38] Always saying “I tried”, even though you haven’t tried at all.

39] Putting off doing the most interesting things in life until you no longer have the strength to do them.

40] Avoiding depression with massive daily doses of television programs.

41] Believing that it is possible to be sure of everything you have won.

42] Thinking that women don’t like football and that men don’t like interior decoration.

43] Blaming the government for everything bad that happens.

44] Being convinced that being a good, decent and respectful person means that the others will find you weak, vulnerable and easy to manipulate.

45] Being convinced that aggressiveness and discourtesy in treating others are signs of a powerful personality.

46] Being afraid of fibroscopy (men) and childbirth (women).

47] And finally, thinking that your religion is the sole proprietor of the absolute truth, the most important, the best, and that the other human beings in this immense planet who believe in any other manifestation of God are condemned to the fires of hell.