More Choices

Sometimes, I leap before I look.  Often, in fact.  I become caught up in … a habit, a belief, a hope … and I take action before considering carefully and answering the question “is this a good idea?”.  These leaps of action are significantly different in feel, and in outcome, from leaps of faith.  Moving to Montana … a deliberate and considered leap of faith.  Choosing my thesis topic?  Ah, that was a leap of action … a leap of habit.

So … I finished my thesis proposal, and presented to my committee, and it was approved.  A little pat on my own back – it was good, well-written, carefully planned, and presented over and over again in different venues with more and more clarity.  It’s a good project – sensible and helpful.  When I first met with my advisor, last semester, to talk about it, his response seemed odd to me at the time “It’s not much of a stretch for you.”  It seemed like a stretch .. in terms of learning new skills, in terms of the amount of time and effort that would go into the project.  But, he was right – it wasn’t much of a stretch.  It was simply more of what I’ve been doing the past 30 years or so.  Taking on a big project, figuring out how to make it work, and making it work.  Honestly – not enough thinking was involved … not enough thinking beyond my current habits … and beliefs.

I’m realizing now that I did myself a disservice by following the path of habit, by not taking the time to immerse myself a little more into the field I’m studying and allow myself to follow a thread of interest rather than following the rope of habit.  I want to change my thesis entirely.  I don’t want to do a project.  I want to write a thesis, or a publishable paper.  I want to examine theory and take it one teeny weeny step further … or sideways as the case may be.

And now, I have to make a choice.  Do I go ahead with this project because I promised my client that I would create this product for her?  Or … do I take full advantage of this little stretch of time in academia rather than the business world and stretch myself further, and into new and strange territory?  Do I take care of someone else (habit) or take care of me (not a habit…)?

Of course, I want to do both.  Keeping my word is super important to me.  Habit?  A good one?  Something for me to examine.  I want to see my client get her product.  And – I want to see me get what I want also.  I think … I’m pretty sure … I can see a road ahead that encompasses both.

It’s funny – the topic I want to explore in some fashion is ethics … and so is my choice to drop the original project ethical?  I think so – as long as I handle it in an ethical manner.

There are so many choices.  I harp on that topic of ‘choice’ to the the less-than-delight of my friends and professors.  Oh well.  My professors are paid to listen to me … my friends can choose.