Take Two

Life is often compared to a journey with new experiences along the different roads we take. Sometimes we encounter unexpected obstacles and are forced to choose unanticipated directions. I seem to have chosen a course of constant transitions.

Six months before my 50th birthday I packed up my PT Cruiser with (almost) everything I owned and drove away from my home of the past 15 years in western Massachusetts. I was headed to Butte, Montana – a place I had never been, never seen. As I drove westward into the open spaces of possibility—a return to academia never entered my mind. Not even once.

I took the usual path of finishing high school and entering college immediately; graduating from SUNY Geneseo with a B.A. in Psychology. After working in a crisis center for three years (two of them during college) I realized that counseling was not my calling and I wandered into the world of project management. Over the next 20+ years I worked in software (before the IBM PC!), a multi-national corporation, law offices, higher education, and non-profits. I also explored some unusual career paths that included initiating and managing a farmers market and making cheese on a goat farm.

Rawson Brook Goats

I didn’t feel ‘old’ approaching 50, but true transformation was what I was looking for as I moved closer to the half-century mark. So, I decided to move across the country. I kept a blog of that transitional time so that family and friends could follow me as I prepared, traveled, and settled into a new life. A few days before I left, I wrote:

“There is something exquisitely bittersweet about letting go of so much that I thought I needed. The trips to the town dump have not simply been the physical action of dragging all those bags and boxes down to the car and then tossing them with a satisfying ‘thump’ into those huge bins: it’s all that comes before as I handle each item that has been in my life and ask myself, “even though I’ve loved this before … is it still a part of who I am today? Is it a part of the woman I am in the process of becoming?” More often than not—I’m saying “no”.”

My first six months in Montana went according to plan: I found a place to live, took a sensible job, and dated a good man. None of those worked out long term. The small Montana town and the job created a clash of two entirely different cultures and even with lots of shaking, we never mixed as well as oil and water. In the meantime, I had met some of the professors at the Montana Tech campus, had begun writing and publishing the local arts foundation newsletter, and was encouraged to apply for a master’s degree in Technical Communication.

Butte Montana

Honestly, I didn’t really know what ‘technical communication’ was. I did know that I would hone my writing skills, as well as my nascent skills of web design, digital imaging, and desktop publishing. I would also study subjects that were new to me: ethics and rhetoric, semiotics and multimedia, risk communication and film making. And yes, my desire for transformation seemed more possible than ever.

There is no way to truly express what a privilege it is to receive higher education: to sit with others of like and unlike mind and explore topics in depth … to have a mentor bring you (sometimes kicking and screaming) into a scholarly state of mind … to teach a class of first-year students and watch the light in their eyes begin to shine when they ‘get’ what it means to write and think clearly and well. As my fly fishing friends along the Big Hole River might say: I was hooked. And this was not a ‘catch and release’ experience.

I was hesitant to apply to PhD programs and continue my academic journey, I was pretty sure that no one would want to invest the time or financial support for an older student. I applied because I wanted more of this life—research, teaching, thinking, and conversations that nourished me deeply. I applied because my thesis committee encouraged me. But, I didn’t really expect to get in.

University of Oregon

Even with all my doubts, I was accepted. I am again preparing for another set of transitions: from master’s student to PhD student, from Montana to Oregon, from student to scholar. I want to continue to share my process with others. I know how easy it is to become  caught up in the busy-ness of life’s commitments. I also know how important it is to take time to step out and contemplate the meaning and worth of what Taoism calls “the ten thousand things.” I look forward to sharing this journey over the next years with you.

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