“Life is suffering” … is a rather inadequate translation of the Buddha’s original insight in Pali, which was that life is dukkha: let’s say discomfort, disquiet, stress. The root of the work, kha, means “space” or “hole” and the traditional image of dukkha is that of a cart with a misaligned wheel, so that the rider is jolted hard by every rut in the road. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! (or in Yiddish, Oy! Oy! Oy!). Ginsberg’s Failure
This quote from an essay by Steve Silberman has been rumbling round in the back of my mind over the past few weeks. I walk out on ‘my’ trail in the warm Montana evenings in my teva sandals, and often little stones will fall into that small space between tender foot and solid rubber. I walk on, and try to find a way to allow that discomfort … dukkha … until I am forced to stop. I lift my foot, balanced delicately, and make a space for the stone to drop out. Ahhh, release of suffering.
Release from Suffering
The stone is obvious — material and real — and the release from suffering is just as clear. Stop, and let it go. Still, I’m always interested to observe how long I’m willing to suffer in the hopes that it will magically resolve without my action. Even in this, I want to absolved of responsibility for ending my own suffering. Dukkha.
There are other experiences of dukkha that are just as obvious, but less material and real. I carry that suffering a long, long way. Hoping that it will magically resolve itself — that I won’t need to take the action of stopping and letting it go. I carry anger and resentment, I carry anxiety and procrastination, I carry hope. Hope is so often the killer of possibility — hope allows me to refrain from action to bring about real change.
I was talking with a friend yesterday about her divorce proceedings and the ever-increasing antagonism and bitterness between two people who had been together for 30 years. She is trying to keep herself uplifted through counseling, friends, and reading inspiring books. I admire her willingness to find ways to remain firm and clear without becoming as ugly as the situation that surrounds her.
She spoke about one book that encourages her to believe this is all happening for ‘a reason’ and that she, her children, and even her soon-to-be ex-husband were all going to become better people because of this ugliness. I worry about that kind of belief. It seems to encourage people to leave those little stones in the bottom of their shoes and to limp along until their feet toughen up. It seems to be asking people to release themselves from the responsibility of releasing themselves from dukkha.
As I understand it, dukkha is not war, famine, rape, or disaster. It is the daily insults of living — those small things that we must endure as humans. We suffer when we are stuck in traffic, when we are forced to interact with an unpleasant coworker, when our favorite coffee isn’t available at the grocers. We suffer because of our hopes, our expectations, our unwillingness to stop and take out the stone — to walk a path that has no stones or wear shoes that keep them out.
Silberman goes on to say:
But Buddha, schmuddha. One of my favorite Zen koans is “who was Buddha’s teacher?” You don’t need a spiritual parent to tell you that contentment is elusive and fleeting, that every thing and every place you treasure is in the process of being transformed into something unrecognizable…
We have the same teacher as Buddha: the ever-changing experiences of our lives. Whatever those experiences may be. I don’t believe that are ‘given’ to us as challenges to overcome and somehow earn points that we can never cash in for something that we value. I believe they are inevitable experiences of beings who are somewhat aware and conscious of their experience. I believe that it is our privilege to learn how to use our awareness and consciousness responsibly and kindly. Buddha’s teachings are one path toward coming to terms with the dukkha we encounter and taking responsibility for our suffering … and our joy.
Fireworks over Butte
I suggested to my friend that she not wait around for some kind of enlightenment to appear from these experiences of suffering as she moves through the process of divorce. That she actively engage with the process and create her own learning. That she make space every day to release the little stones accumulating in her shoes so that she can walk through this difficult journey with some comfort. I will try to remember this good advice for myself.
